i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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