Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
