WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
