If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
