i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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