I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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