First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
