bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have fence marks all over my body
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
