Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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