ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
