atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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