Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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