he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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