You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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