At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
