I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
