i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
