So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
