woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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