Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
