He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
