My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
