please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
