I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
