I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
