I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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