I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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