i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
