Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I deserve this hangover.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
