3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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