Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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