i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
