true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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