actually, I'm a sock model
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
