Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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