perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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