"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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