Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
