yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
