It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
