I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
