Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
