If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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