She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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