If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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