we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
