if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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