we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
