Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
