The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
