Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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